Tag Archives: serving

Getting Your House In Order First

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God has been laying something on my heart lately.  I think I know why it is there and it is not for me, so I will share what God has been pressing on my heart to say.

As a high schooler I loved being part of the church high school youth group.  I enjoyed it so much, that when I graduated I turned around and mentored high school girls for a year.  After that year I moved away to college and got married.  Once I moved to Florida I knew I wanted to serve in the church again. I felt satisfaction in helping others and basically because it was fun.

At  my current church, I have helped a bit in the high school group when I first began, then my husband and I taught 3 yr olds for two years, then on my own I moved to helping the middle school when my oldest entered the middle school group, and I also taught two women bible studies.

Yet I was feeling convicted.

At the time I was the strong one spiritually in my family and I knew by volunteering and helping out I was leaving my husband to sit by himself in church or in Sunday school (this applies to husbands who serve also).  I confided in an elderly woman in the church and she gave me some great wisdom. 

I may be lynched with a wet noodle from all pastors and current church administrators

Now I may be lynched with a wet noodle from all pastors and current church administrators, but this wise woman told me, “the church will always need workers and volunteers, but during this season you need to be with your husband.”  She said this in passing, but she does not know what a profound impact it made on me. 

I knew she was right.

God has been laying on my heart to say if you are struggling in your marriage and you both go separate ways Sunday mornings, I would suggest praying to see if God may be telling you to step down until your house is in order.  I am speaking to women here, serving in church is very worthy and WE NEED IT, but if your marriage is on the brink of divorce or things are falling down at home then I would reconsider serving/volunteering, etc…

Please pray and ask the Lord for clarity on where your efforts should be. Church should not be another place where you separate yourself from each other, but should be a place to begin the steps of restoration. (even if it is the other spouses fault for the troubles, ;) )

It may only be for a season, I promise your ministry will be there waiting for you when you return.

Photo by Smile Kerry

Being Misunderstood

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One of the difficult things in living in a small town you did not grow up in, is that you don’t have the history that many other friends have with each other. When I travel back home things seem to fit like a glove and it is comfortable.  God does not call us to be comfortable.

A big struggle I have is everyone I have become close to has moved away. They may have moved away physically or maybe moved churches or the busyness of life has drifted us apart. When I was in high school I was always active in my church and after I graduated I turned around and became a freshman teacher. I enjoyed being a discipleship leader and I built great relationships with the girls in my group. I ended up moving to go away to college. This is what I call my growing time; I sinned, God got a hold of my heart and I came back to him. I learned a lot during the college years and the first part of marriage.

When the Lord moved my husband and me away it was a difficult transition.

But God had me in his sight and gave me some wonderful mentors.

But God had me in his sight and gave me some wonderful mentors. I have been a member of only two different churches where I live, we moved from the first just because we felt God telling us to. The second church is where I am right now.

After many years I have come to know some of the people in this church. I taught women’s bible study a few years but then needed to step back due to family commitments. I did try to help out in the high school area again, and the help was welcomed by the leaders but some of the parents gave comments like “why are you here you don’t even have a child this age.” I know it is my fault I let comments affect me, but I did. Then I helped out in the middle school area, taught Sunday school for a year. All during this time my husband either went to Sunday school by himself or main church by himself while I taught.

The one woman who believed in me and saw potential in me, lovingly said your place needs to be by your husband during Sunday mornings right now. I agreed with her because that is what I felt God was saying also. For two years my husband and I agreed to teach a 2 year old class, it was a lot of fun (but as you can image a lot of work). My husband did not grow up in a church so I felt the Holy Spirit telling me we need to get back into Sunday school, God was still teaching (at this time) some of the basics to my husband. You see I wanted to move forward, I wanted to teach, to commit myself to many activities within the church, but I felt the Lord saying no.

Now view it from the flip side, I can only assume others view me as someone who has dropped out from helping. Which they would be correct, but no one asked why. Like I said the people who I was closest to have moved away and my perception is that others misunderstand me and my desire to help.

I admire the women that can “be all” and “do all” within the church, I wish I could. But just recently I have seen fruit in my waiting. My husband has never volunteered to help out in the church by himself; it has either been me or the two of us together. Right now he has volunteered to help coach one of the Winning Ways basketball teams, and let me tell you he is good at it. I have received many compliments from other parents.

God has called husbands to be the leader of their family. But what if, as the woman you are spiritually stronger? For me the Lord gave me the direction to step back, pray over my husband daily, and allow my husband to gain confidence and grow in the Lord.

The Lord led me to be able to minister on the web, to write devotionals, to review Christian books and it has been a wonderful blessing to me. Unfortunately, I fear I am misunderstood on why I don’t volunteer for more. I fear women who have husbands that are spiritually as strong as they are, do not understand.

I can chose to leave my husband’s side and immerse myself in helping the church, or I can stand by my husband’s side and pray over Walking Togetherhim as he grows into being our family’s spiritual leader. God has blessed me with a husband who encourages and prays for me daily and we have come a long way together. I am so proud of him and how he has grown in the Lord, but I think if I committed myself to more and left him in the “dust” so to speak I would not have seen the growth in him I do today.

Others may disagree, but I have found the balance of serving God, spreading his word while standing side by side with my husband. As a wife who married a husband who is not as spiritually strong when you were married, how have you found balance?  Have you felt misunderstood by other Christians around you?  I would love to hear about it.