I began a series on the five basic principles that should be taught in the home. These principles can only be reinforced in church or school, but the model of what they learn comes from home. The first principle was the principle of love and the second principle was the principle of justice, third principle was the principle of respect, and the second to last principle is the principle of honesty.

As you can see, some of these principles overlap with each other, but each are important in their own right and deserve individual attention. I know most everyone knows this story about George Washington, but the moral never grows old.

When George was about six years old, he was made the wealthy master of a hatchet of which, like most little boys, he was extremely fond. He went about chopping everything that came his way.
One day, as he wandered about the garden amusing himself by hacking his mother’s pea sticks, he found a beautiful, young English cherry tree, of which his father was most proud. He tried the edge of his hatchet on the trunk of the tree and barked it so that it died.

Some time after this, his father discovered what had happened to his favorite tree. He came into the house in great anger, and demanded to know who the mischievous person was who had cut away the bark. Nobody could tell him anything about it.

Just then George, with his little hatchet, came into the room.

“George,” said his father, “do you know who has killed my beautiful little cherry tree yonder in the garden? I would not have taken five guineas for it!”

This was a hard question to answer, and for a moment George was staggered by it, but quickly recovering himself he cried:

“I cannot tell a lie, father, you know I cannot tell a lie! I did cut it with my little hatchet.”

The anger died out of his father’s face, and taking the boy tenderly in his arms, he said:

“My son, that you should not be afraid to tell the truth is more to me than a thousand trees! Yes – though they were blossomed with silver and had leaves of the purest gold!”

This legend most likely is not true, but the story still carries a powerful message. When our children are first born, no one needs to teach them how to lie. We as parents have to teach them to tell the truth and stand up for the truth. We need to display honesty in all things.

When you are in a sticky situation, how do your kids see you respond? Do you tell the truth even if you would rather lie? Do you “stretch” the truth or give half-truths?

In my book, a half-truth is a lie, I always tell my kids.

If your child is caught by you doing something, do you make them accept the consequences by telling the truth to the offending party? Or do you sweep it under the rug and tell them “not to do it again?”

As parents what should we do?

1. Be clear in what you expect in your home.
2. Through stories or examples, tell your child why honesty is so important.
3. Treat lying through compassion. Yes there are consequences, but they need to be encouraged to tell the truth not brow beaten because they lied.
4. If this is a serious battle in your home, get some outside professional help. Don’t be afraid to bring in an objective third person.

Honesty must be displayed by the parents in the home. Lying comes easy, telling the truth is hard; teaching them to do the hard thing is one of the greatest lessons they can learn. If your child asks you a question you do not want to respond to, tell them “I have always committed to telling you the truth, but I chose not to answer your question at this time.”

As a mother of all boys, we had a time with one of our boys where we struggled with lying. It was not something that was easily solved, but through much positive reinforcement when they told the truth and through constantly displaying honesty in our own lives, we have come to a place where it is easier for this child to tell the truth.

Exodus. 20:16
You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.

Psalm 51:6
Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

Parents need to treat honesty as seriously as they do academic, athletic or other kinds of achievement for their children. If children learn honesty first in the home, then you give them the best tool around to face anything that comes their way. Next week I will be covering the last principle in the five things that need to be taught in the home.

Has lying ever been a struggle in your home or have you struggled with being lied to? How did you handle the situation?

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UPDATE: I always say the Lord likes to teach me in object lessons. And because I had just written this post I was approached by something this weekend where I had to make a decision of being up front and honest or be sneaky.

Let me share…

This weekend a relative was telling me there is a new GPS unit you can put on a car that tells you where your child’s car is and how many miles they have driven. This relative encouraged me to get this and to put it on my son’s car (next year) when he is driving and not telling him about it.

On the surface this sounds good, it keeps the parents informed, etc. But the more I thought about it the more I thought it would be dishonest. Now mind you I love the idea of the device and I may purchase it next year, but I will let my son know about it. This is how we approached his computer use also. I told him nothing is blocked, but every site and everything he writes it emailed to me. I did not need to tell him, because you can not tell this program is on the computer. But I always believe being up front, helping them make the right decisions (instead of catching them making the wrong ones), and one of the biggies for teenagers is being upfront, not secretive. This is a prime example of something that sounds good from a parent’s perspective, but can lead to distrust from the child. Obviously this is an example for normal situations. If you find a child using drugs or doing other things harmful then I believe a parent needs to intervene any way they can.

Honesty is always the best policy.