Tag Archives: church

Being Misunderstood

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One of the difficult things in living in a small town you did not grow up in, is that you don’t have the history that many other friends have with each other. When I travel back home things seem to fit like a glove and it is comfortable.  God does not call us to be comfortable.

A big struggle I have is everyone I have become close to has moved away. They may have moved away physically or maybe moved churches or the busyness of life has drifted us apart. When I was in high school I was always active in my church and after I graduated I turned around and became a freshman teacher. I enjoyed being a discipleship leader and I built great relationships with the girls in my group. I ended up moving to go away to college. This is what I call my growing time; I sinned, God got a hold of my heart and I came back to him. I learned a lot during the college years and the first part of marriage.

When the Lord moved my husband and me away it was a difficult transition.

But God had me in his sight and gave me some wonderful mentors.

But God had me in his sight and gave me some wonderful mentors. I have been a member of only two different churches where I live, we moved from the first just because we felt God telling us to. The second church is where I am right now.

After many years I have come to know some of the people in this church. I taught women’s bible study a few years but then needed to step back due to family commitments. I did try to help out in the high school area again, and the help was welcomed by the leaders but some of the parents gave comments like “why are you here you don’t even have a child this age.” I know it is my fault I let comments affect me, but I did. Then I helped out in the middle school area, taught Sunday school for a year. All during this time my husband either went to Sunday school by himself or main church by himself while I taught.

The one woman who believed in me and saw potential in me, lovingly said your place needs to be by your husband during Sunday mornings right now. I agreed with her because that is what I felt God was saying also. For two years my husband and I agreed to teach a 2 year old class, it was a lot of fun (but as you can image a lot of work). My husband did not grow up in a church so I felt the Holy Spirit telling me we need to get back into Sunday school, God was still teaching (at this time) some of the basics to my husband. You see I wanted to move forward, I wanted to teach, to commit myself to many activities within the church, but I felt the Lord saying no.

Now view it from the flip side, I can only assume others view me as someone who has dropped out from helping. Which they would be correct, but no one asked why. Like I said the people who I was closest to have moved away and my perception is that others misunderstand me and my desire to help.

I admire the women that can “be all” and “do all” within the church, I wish I could. But just recently I have seen fruit in my waiting. My husband has never volunteered to help out in the church by himself; it has either been me or the two of us together. Right now he has volunteered to help coach one of the Winning Ways basketball teams, and let me tell you he is good at it. I have received many compliments from other parents.

God has called husbands to be the leader of their family. But what if, as the woman you are spiritually stronger? For me the Lord gave me the direction to step back, pray over my husband daily, and allow my husband to gain confidence and grow in the Lord.

The Lord led me to be able to minister on the web, to write devotionals, to review Christian books and it has been a wonderful blessing to me. Unfortunately, I fear I am misunderstood on why I don’t volunteer for more. I fear women who have husbands that are spiritually as strong as they are, do not understand.

I can chose to leave my husband’s side and immerse myself in helping the church, or I can stand by my husband’s side and pray over Walking Togetherhim as he grows into being our family’s spiritual leader. God has blessed me with a husband who encourages and prays for me daily and we have come a long way together. I am so proud of him and how he has grown in the Lord, but I think if I committed myself to more and left him in the “dust” so to speak I would not have seen the growth in him I do today.

Others may disagree, but I have found the balance of serving God, spreading his word while standing side by side with my husband. As a wife who married a husband who is not as spiritually strong when you were married, how have you found balance?  Have you felt misunderstood by other Christians around you?  I would love to hear about it.

Are they real or fake ?

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Rachelle at Seek First His Kingdom did a post on Blogger friends last week and it really has been rolling around in my head since I have read it. I am still fairly new to blogging, I know I have some “rose colored glasses” on to some of the dangers of the Internet, but I do try to protect myself somewhat. One thing I do is make sure manly man knows what I post, he is my computer “geek” and keeps me accountable.

But anyways I am digressing. Rachelle touches on several topics that could be several posts all on their own, but I am addressing the questions she asks right at the last part of her post:

What do you think? Are the blogs the “real life” of the 21st century? Or, are we all just living in some parallel inauthentic cyber-universe that cannot substitute for the real thing?

There are several differences between face to face friends and blogger friends. Non-verbal is a very powerful form of communication. I am a big believer in non-verbal (I majored in it in college~communications major here). Tone can be and sometimes is misinterpreted via Internet or email. We may be joking, but it could either hurt another or be taken as serious. Lastly, I know about you from your perspective, not from your family’s or your husbands or your children (and the same goes for me). You could tell me you are a good wife, or a good mother…but in reality your definition and my definition could be very different and this is not always communicated on a blog.

But what I have found is that the negatives are few to the great amount of positives. Rachelle goes on to say:

It’s well-known that contemporary western life offers little in the way of real connection with others. Even people whose lives are surrounded with others in their work environment usually don’t do enough actual connecting.

Throughout human history, we’ve sought this fellowship. In cultures the world over, extended families have lived together, or at least very close together, and lived their lives in tandem. As we in Western culture have separated ourselves from each other in single-family homes and alienating jobs, we’ve always had ways of finding that connection we needed: in quilting circles, or coffee klatches, or the Salon, or posh men’s clubs, or countless other settings created to bring people together.

I am at the stage of my life where life is always on the go. My kids can drive right nowyet (praise God). I have one really close friend and tons of acquaintances here in real life. I use to meet weekly for a women’s bible study that we had at our local coffee shop, but that broke up due to one person moving and others going their separate ways. While at church I volunteer with the middle school group. I do believe we don’t do enough actual connecting. And my blog is my outlet for that connecting, mainly to other women. It does not replace my real life friends, but I have found it sure adds to who I consider friends.

Even the girlfriend who I am very close to, we can go weeks without speaking and then pick up right where we left off. With three boys, a husband and working part time, in my case, it is hard to maintain the real close “real life” friendships.

My husband has said he views blogging as my “stress reliever”. And at first I looked at him and said, “What do you mean? I don’t talk bad about anyone, or share any real angers?” And he said, “No you are very respectful, but I am finding that blogging allows you to gain your perspective and gives you an outlet to form your ideas which in return calms you down”. I think he is right. Many of my “biblical message” posts are really God speaking to me through my fingers. Many times I have written a post, and I read it and think, “Wow, Lord thank you I did not realize that was rattling around in my brain.” In return I usually get positive feedback and comments and I want to yell out, hey I am glad that touched you because God was teaching me too, those were His words not mine.

At the beginning of my blogging journey I first met Lindsey who really reached out to someone who just began to blog, barely knew what a blog was and touched my heart in her giving spirit. She helped me design my blog, and went above and beyond for me. I was blown away. I began thinking this blogging stuff was really cool. Then I met Barb and her kind words and support blew me out of the water. I began praying Lord are you bringing these women into my life for a reason?

Slowly the Lord brought Iris, Sissy, Heather, Dee Dee, Judi, Cyndi
……..oh good gracious I could not possible list you all (so please don’t be hurt if you don’t see your name, it already took me an hour just listing these names and linking them, ha!). But you guys have not only been friends, but I found myself praying for you during my devotions. If you were sick or something was happening in your life I found myself thinking of you during the day. When Addison was going through surgery I remember crying in my car pouring my heart out to the Lord that he would heal her. THESE ARE PEOPLE WHO I HAVE YET TO MEET FACE TO FACE, and the Lord has me praying for you, wishing you the best, hurting when you are hurt.

But most importantly you help keep me accountable in my walk with the Lord. I don’t want to ever represent myself other than I am. This is why I allow myself to write my occasional whine post, so you know my world is not perfect, I am not perfect, and I stumble and fall just like the rest of you, I yell at my kids, get impatient with my husband, and sometimes just plain lose my temper. But if you still talk to me after all that……

in my world and by my definition…..I AM HONORED AND HUMBLED TO CALL YOU FRIEND.