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Five Things to Teach Your Kids – Part 5 (last one)

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parentsI began a series on the five basic principles that should be taught in the home. These principles can only be reinforced in church or school, but the model of what they learn comes from home.

First principle was the principle of love
Second principle of justice.
Third is the principle of respect.
Fourth is the principle of honesty.
Lastly, and possibly the most important is the principal of forgiveness.

I have mentioned before that the Lord likes to teach me in object lessons. I can not teach or share in a devotion or even on this blog if I have not had a taste of the struggle. I think that is one of the more difficult things about sharing God’s word, in order for you to really believe what you are saying God makes it real by allowing you to go through that struggle a little bit. Forgiveness has been a struggle I have experience for over a year. I never knew I struggled with this or at least the Lord allowed me to see some hidden areas of my heart.

Almost a year to today I shared with you my journey to forgiveness from the pain caused by a pastor. I wish I could tell you after sharing that post all was forgiven and life goes on. As I shared at the end, “I will be the first to tell you [forgiveness] can be a difficult journey;” and I am here to say it is STILL a difficult journey. Satan took that situation and sifted my heart. This has nothing to do with what happened it had to do with me letting go of my feelings of anger, disappointment, and hurt.

Then the Lord even brought it in closer. Just yesterday I had two incidents that really hurt my feelings, left me crying. Even though I did not do any wrong in either situation, the Lord said I just need you to forgive. You know what I said, “Father there are so many other areas I struggle with, why do we need to add to the list!!” The Lord quietly reminded me, “Daughter so you realize that I am with you and only through ME can you forgive, not on your own power.”

I ask you is there ever a human relationship that a time does not come when you have to say, “I’m sorry.”

You hear the saying that you should forgive and forget, I suggest you should forgive and forgo judgment and retribution. There are just some things in life you can not forget!

How often do you forgive?

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. (Matt 18:21-22)

How do our children learn to forgive? By watching their parents forgive. I had great examples from my parents, I hurt my parents pretty bad in college. In return all I ever felt was love and acceptance. So easily the reaction could have been “this is not how I raised you,” they had justification for their anger. But honestly I don’t even think it entered their mind. So today I am stand as the last person on this earth to withhold forgiveness from anyone and the only reason I know I can do that is because it was modeled for me.
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This concludes five things to teach your kids IN THE HOME! Yes these principles overlap each other, but each one carry its own weight. Your kids can not be taught these principles in school or EVEN in church. These have to come directly from parents or caregivers. We as a society are struggling because some of these principles are not being reinforced. Parenting is the hardest job anyone will ever have; one moment it will bring you to your knees before the Lord and have you singing from the mountain tops the next.

Deuteronomy 4:9-10 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. Remember the day you stood before the Lord your God at Horeb, when he said to me, “Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children.”

Five Things to Teach Your Kids part 2

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A child educated only at school is an uneducated child.

George Santayana

court7Earlier this week we talked about five basic principles that should be taught in the home. These principles can only be reinforced in church or school, but the model of what they learn comes from home. The first principle is the principle of love.

The second basic principle of raising good kids is teaching them the principle of justice. Even in the early years kids learn that life is not fair. And that statement is true, but still there is a sense of justice or fairness we need to instill in our kids that begins in the home. This comes down to the golden rule:

Be nice to others
As you would like
Others to be nice to you
Be helpful to others
As you would like
Others be helpful to you

Chorus:
It’s the Golden Rule
Follow it every day
It’s the Golden Rule
And happiness will come your way

Be kind to others
As you would like
Others to be kind to you
Be loving to others
As you would like
Others to be loving to you

As parents we need to model how to be nice, how to be helpful, and how to be kind. What attitudes do your kids see you display after the front door is closed? Do we respect each child and treat them fairly? If we want them to learn these traits we need to display them in our homes. Are you kind to your spouse? Do you treat others in the family as you want to be treated?

On the flip side, as parents we can make the mistake of placing unfair expectations on our children. We should not be surprised or embarrassed if our kids are acting like kids. If there is a child that screams out in church, don’t be surprised or look down on the parents. Kids will act like kids.

Sometimes we expect more from others than we expect of ourselves.

We can fall in the trap of expecting traits from our kids that are not being modeled for them. Yes there needs to be boundaries and guidelines, but as parents we need to make sure we are not placing unfair expectations on our kids.

One of the frustrations I found in being a parent is becoming upset at a child when I saw the same weakness I had, being displayed in my child. If I felt insecure in certain situations, I wanted my child to be more assertive. I had to learn to stop placing unreal expectations on my child. You would think since I had the same weakness I would be understanding, instead I had the faulty thinking that if I “encouraged them more” they would not have suffer with the same weakness I did.

Yes life is not fair, but there needs to be a foundation of raising our kids under a principle of justice. Come back for principle three later this week….

As a parent or as a child growing up have you ever struggled with unfair expectations?

Five Things to Teach Your Kids

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DSC06793If you are a parent, raising good kids is one of your chief concerns. I don’t claim to be an expert in this; I have made my share of mistakes. If you look on the shelves in bookstores you will see a whole aisle on disciplining your child, how to hand the difficult child or books that help you become a better parent. I have read these books too. Some parents rely on the church to teach their kids or worse yet, the school system. All school and church can do is reinforce what is already being taught at home. I believe as a country we are struggling because our family unit is struggling.

Parenting comes down to five basic principles.

If these five basic principles become your foundation in parenting, you will have developed deep roots that are needed to weather any storm that may come. I will be covering these five principles in the next few days and would love your thoughts on each one also.

The first basic principle of raising good kids is teaching them the principle of love. God is the model of love, everything he did was because of love. There are several ways to make sure you develop this principle of love. This foundation of horizontal love will strengthen the love they have with the Father. How do we do that? (And I know some of this might be obvious, but as I said before, our country is struggling because our families are struggling.) Parents develop the principle of love by modeling love in their everyday actions.

    Displaying love between a husband and a wife.
    The love towards others when they are not perfect and make mistakes.
    The love of putting someone else’s needs before our own.
    The love towards someone who is hurting.
    And love displayed towards someone who appears to be unlovable.

Your child will first learn horizontal love; the act of loving people around them. And their horizontal love will determine the strength of their vertical love with the heavenly Father. If we struggle with horizontal love, then we struggle with vertical love. This is why God sent his son here on earth, so we would have the model of perfect horizontal love so we can love the Heavenly Father.

What is your family atmosphere like? Is there love or turmoil? Does your child see you and your husband being affectionate towards one another? The security a child develops is often developed by what they see displayed. Has your child witnessed you loving someone who was being difficult? Or do they hear you complain about the other person behind closed doors? Have you shown compassion towards someone who was hurting while your child was a witness.

The principle of love is one of the first things that should be taught in the home. This is not something that can be taught at church or at school. Your child will display love dependent on what they witness you as the parent doing. Come back for principle two later this week….

What are your thoughts on horizontal love affecting a child’s vertical love towards their Heavenly Father?

photo by kahanaboy