Getting Your House In Order First

God has been laying something on my heart lately. I think I know why it is there and it is not for me, so I will share what God has been pressing on my heart to say.

As a high schooler I loved being part of the church high school youth group. I enjoyed it so much, that when I graduated I turned around and mentored high school girls for a year. After that year I moved away to college and got married. Once I moved to Florida I knew I wanted to serve in the church again. I felt satisfaction in helping others and basically because it was fun.

At my current church, I have helped a bit in the high school group when I first began, then my husband and I taught 3 yr olds for two years, then on my own I moved to helping the middle school when my oldest entered the middle school group, and I also taught two women bible studies.

Yet I was feeling convicted.

At the time I was the strong one spiritually in my family and I knew by volunteering and helping out I was leaving my husband to sit by himself in church or in Sunday school (this applies to husbands who serve also). I confided in an elderly woman in the church and she gave me some great wisdom.

I may be lynched with a wet noodle from all pastors and current church administrators

Now I may be lynched with a wet noodle from all pastors and current church administrators, but this wise woman told me, “the church will always need workers and volunteers, but during this season you need to be with your husband.” She said this in passing, but she does not know what a profound impact it made on me.

I knew she was right.

God has been laying on my heart to say if you are struggling in your marriage and you both go separate ways Sunday mornings, I would suggest praying to see if God may be telling you to step down until your house is in order. I am speaking to women here, serving in church is very worthy and WE NEED IT, but if your marriage is on the brink of divorce or things are falling down at home then I would reconsider serving/volunteering, etc…

Please pray and ask the Lord for clarity on where your efforts should be. Church should not be another place where you separate yourself from each other, but should be a place to begin the steps of restoration. (even if it is the other spouses fault for the troubles, )

It may only be for a season, I promise your ministry will be there waiting for you when you return.

Photo by Smile Kerry

You May Also Enjoy:

Tagged as: church, marriage, serving

Dana~Are We There Yet?

Our family worships and serves together in a Family-Integrated Church, for just the reasons you describe. Formerly, we would go 6 different directions when we hit the church doors, and meet back up again at the car a little after noon having had 6 disparate experiences and finding we had little to discuss over the course of the week. In our current church, we arrive together, sit together in worship (no age-graded programs, nurseries or Sunday School), then enjoy a potluck lunch with our church family. During the week, we worship as a family at home, with my husband teaching the week's Scripture passage to us as well as learning the hymn of the month.

We don't have a lot of "programs" which must be staffed, and all service projects are open to whole families. For our family of 7, this is absolutely where we belong. We are all closer to each other and we are actively growing in grace and faith. My husband shepherds our family all week long, and leads us as we worship together on Sunday.

Heidi @ ggip

This is a good post. I think people should prayerfully consider what season their life is. Sometimes it isn't all that straightforward. :)

Debbie

This is very wise advice, Lori. I'm glad you posted it. I just had a conversation with a friend of mine this morning about being so involved in good ministry things but neglecting home and family. I believe too that there are seasons in life. A time for ministry, a time for family, a time ...you get the picture.

As for me, I go to church alone without my hubby. I pray that one day that will change. But in the meantime, I don't get to participate in the weekday women's ministry and many other activities. I go on Sunday morning to a small group Bible study and church and then go home to be with my hubby. I have so many opportunities to go to lunch after church with friends, etc but I always say no. My husband is the place I want to go. And he is happy that I go to church but he's happy that I come home too. :)

amydeanne

boy oh boy this has been on my mind all week. thanks! it was for me!!

eph2810

What an awesome insight, Lori!!! I like what you said '...but should be a place to begin the steps of restoration...'

Shawna

Lori, I have to wholeheartedly agree with you. While I understand where church leaders desperately need workers and volunteers, the whole world desperately needs healthy Christian family units. I believe this is right on the money.

Heather

I would suggest that this also applies to ones children (ones house is not husband alone but all family members and children are part of that.) In our case it was the children who were suffering because I was too involved and when God called me to pull back it was so we could worship together as a family. I should mention that it did also help my husband and I but our children are the ones who have benefited most from our lack of involvement in church activities.

Kristen

You know, I vividly remember my parents going through this when I was young. My mom was never at "church" because she was volunteering in the other areas that took place during church, like Primary care, etc.
What a great message this post is sending and I'm sure so many people are struggling with this. My parents didn't have a lot of visible challenges, but I remember this being a big one! She eventually did and things were so much better.

Sweetie

Do you know that this is the very reason I sit with Les on Sunday mornings and not teach, nor do praise team, or even choir? For so many years, as an only child, later as a husband who was left by his wife, he sat alone in church. It is his desire for me to sit with him during our worship time together....in this season....and so I do. It is so very easy to get involved as a leader sometimes, yet only when God asks us to, should we be entering the roles offered to us....I am slowly slowly learning that each request should be met with prayer and supplication for direction from our Father....not base my answer on my willingness...but on God's leading to do or not do each one!

Great post!