“Just love him,” my sister replied.  You see, I am the older bossy sibling and I hate to admit it but I relate to my oldest child more often than not.  I understand his frustrations, I know why he tells his bothers certain things, and I come to his defense when I don’t think others understand.

A long time ago I asked my sister for advice on raising my middle child.  She is a middle child and had to live with a bossy older sister (me) and a younger bother (who was perfect, but that is for another post ).

Middle children are described as:

The middle or second born child or children often have the sense of not belonging. They fight to receive attention from parents and others because they feel many times they are being ignored or dubbed off as being the same as another sibling. Being in the middle a child can feel insecure. The middle child often lacks drive and looks for direction from the first born child. Sometimes a middle child feels out of place because they are not over achievers and like to go with the flow of things.



Being a middle child would mean they are loners. They really don’t like to latch on to a person in a relationship, therefore they have trouble keeping one due to lack of interest. Not liking to take the limelight for anything, they are not over achievers and just simply work enough work to get by, and typically that goes with school as well as a career. They are however very artistic and creative. If forced to use abilities they will work well, but do not work well under pressure. They often start several projects but rarely keep focused long enough to finish a project. The best career move for a middle child would be along the lines of using their creative. Going into a writing or journalism career, and into a career that they could freely express themselves would be good. Anything that would have hours that are flexible, and projects that frequently changed would be good for a middle born child. Since relationships are not of high importance to a middle child, often times they are alone. However, the best possible match for a middle child would be a last born. (source).

I agree with most of this assessment. As an older child and Mom, I carry my heart on my sleeve, therefore when I look for emotion from my middle child, it is just not there.  My middle child is considered “gifted” but he is definitely one who “simply does what is needed to get by and not an ounce more.”  Fortunately for him he has not had to study; high school and definitely college may be a wake up call.

We are blessed with three great boys, but with three different personalities.  If I had to admit, my middle child’s personality is the one I struggle to understand.  I have often felt like the Jerry McGuire of the family, “Help me… help you. Help me, help you.” I truly am trying to understand his feelings, thoughts, dreams, desires, etc.. but many times all I receive is silence (or the “Idunnaknow” shrug of the shoulders).  He is the son where I can get more information from him, while we are working on something else.

The thread I hold on to as a Mother who is looking for emotion, is that he has shown he does not like to see me hurt.  He tears up or displays emotion when I am hurt or crying.  Also, when we saw “The Passion of Christ” this last Easter, I thought it would affect my oldest child the most, instead it was my middle child that had a difficult time watching the movie.

I tease that he is my child I will have to speak to his future wife before hand and let her know, “I tried.” =)  Fortunately for him, out of my three boys he resembles my husband the most (in looks and personality).  So he has the makings of being a great husband and father!  Until then I pray over him and thank the Lord for the glimpses he gives me of what exactly is developing in the heart of my middle child.

And I am following my sisters advice, even if he does not seem to care. “I just love him.”