Lori's Reflections | Come, Grow and Go » Humor

Dear Santa, I have Been a Good Mommy

Lori — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 11:30:52 +0000

I’ve been a good mom all year. I’ve fed, cleaned and cuddled my

children on demand, visited the doctor’s office more than my doctor,

sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree

on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out

over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my

son’s red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between

cycles, and who knows when I’ll find anymore free time in the next 18

years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I’d like a pair of legs that don’t ache (in any color, except purple,

which I already have) and arms that don’t hurt or flap in the breeze;

but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle

in the grocery s tore.

I’d also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh

month of my last pregnancy.

If you’re hauling big ticket items this year I’d like fingerprint

resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television

that doesn’t broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a

refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can

hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, “Yes,

Mommy” to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don’t

fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the

use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting “Don’t eat in

the living room” and “Take your hands off your brother,”

because my voice seems to be just out of my children’s hearing range and can only be

heard by the dog.

If it’s too late to find any of these products, I’d settle for enough

time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the

luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being

served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don’t mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to

brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare

ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would

be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house

without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized

crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet

under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and

come in and dry off so you don’t catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don’t eat too many or leave

crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always, MOM…!

P.S. One more thing…you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa. (Author Unknown)

Breakfast In Bed

Lori — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 11:30:57 +0000

Just had to share this!! If you are in an all male household (well a household of males who do NOT cook), then you will get a belly laugh just as I did. Mom sent this to me yesterday when I was at a seminar and I was laughing so hard I am sure the people wondered if I had actually lost it. The sad thing is I can see this as my future if my boys have to take care of me.

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On a totally unrelated note. I shared with you about the new Christian Women Affiliate here, but did you know by referring People to CWA, and them becoming members, you get a % of their membership dues each month. Get 7 people to join and your dues will be covered each month. Get even more, and the $ just flows into your account. YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO BE A MEMBER to earn a few dollars see details here http://bit.ly/3Jq4jW or here http://bit.ly/3RaQJq

Just Call Me the Local Peeping Tom

Lori — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 12:00:39 +0000

I will let you laugh at my expense.

Manly Man and I went to look at a house that was up for sale. In the last several months we have driven by the house numerous times with no one home. The front door had a lock box, so we assumed the house was already empty. When we drove by again, I said to my husband“lets just stop and walk around the property, no one lives there”. Well guess what……. Someone lives there.

Ok in all honesty we did ring the door bell and knock on the door before we started to peer into the windows. And I don’t mean I peered in just one window, oh no, I tried every door I looked into every window (granted there was barely NO furniture). Then right before we were ready to leave I see the window blinds open and shut, and I just froze! Then this gentleman comes walking out the front door. I apologized profusely, he was very nice. I guess he just got home when he saw our car in his drive way.

I was beyond humiliated. But he did give us a tour of the house, I thanked him for not calling the cops on us. I am still sitting here embarrassed, I guess I learned my lesson.

Originally posted October 23, 2006

Lori's Reflections | Come, Grow and Go » Humor

Dear Santa, I have Been a Good Mommy

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