My heart has been full these last few days. A few weeks ago a crazy, cute woman came up to me after church to let me know she saw a comment I left on one of her favorite blogs (which happens to be a favorite of mine also).
It is crazy when you recognize someone from your hometown on various blogs. It is like, WHOOOA I know that person! So yes, Bryan you are responsible for bringing us together. But God did have a plan for this meeting.
This crazy, beautiful girl--who I love more than my coffee lately– began to share with me about MOPS and wanted to know if I would be interested in mentoring. I chuckled (more like laughed out loud inside my head) and quickly said no, but said I will let her know if I think of anyone. I quickly jumped in the car to head home and the Holy Spirit convicted that I said no to something before I even prayed about it. So I did what I normally do, I sighed heavily emailed this crazy, cute girl and told her, “Hey you know what let me pray about your offer and I will get back with you.” I know Glady’s was probably looking down from heaven laughing and smiling.
My prayer went something like this: “Ok Lord I have this offer here that I know will not work out, but I am bringing it to you in case it might be something you have in mind for me. This would mean working fewer hours at work and would mean my husband agreeing to me getting paid a little less. But I leave it in your hands, because I don’t see it working out. Amen” Terribly spiritual I tell you! I walked away thinking, “OK I prayed about this, the end. Lets go read a good book.”
As you can probably guess the Lord would not leave me alone about this. He kept telling me, “Ask your husband.” Personally I thought that is where the idea would die. With today’s economy my husband had to take a pay cut and the fact he is still employed in his line of work is only by the grace of God. So I brought up the idea to him.
“So honey you know that crazy, cute girl I was talking to after church Sunday? Get this she asked me to be a mentor for mothers with young children with their MOPS group—don’t laugh, I know it is crazy. It sounds like fun but I know it will never work, it would mean me working less hours.”
I slowly look up at him expecting the conversation of, “you know honey that is great but you know how tight things are already, blah, blah, blah…..”
Instead I got, “I think you should do it.”
What? Did I hear him right? Ok Lord what are you doing to me here?
Well this opportunity will never pass hurdle number two, my boss won’t agree to this.
When I finally sat down to share with him about this new opportunity, I honestly think he thought I was giving my two weeks notice. So when I finally got to the part that I would just need a few hours off two Monday’s a month, he would have agreed to almost anything.
Wow Lord!
What is amazing is how my love for these women have already blossomed in my heart. We have had only one meeting and I feel very unqualified to give anyone advice on mothering, yet God has given me a peace to let me know I am right where he wants me.
My spiritual self kicked in again and said, “Ok Lord I will make you a deal, if I am going to do this, then I want everyone to know I am a mother who has made almost all the possible mistakes you can make as a mother, yet my boys are still alive and kicking.”
I am not a mother who has it together.
I know what it is like to feel like you are barely surviving.
I know the deep loneliness that comes with mothering.
I know what it feels like to go to bed each night feeling like you are messing up your kids, despite your best efforts.
I know what it feels like to want to get into your car and drive away, never to return.
I know what it is like to raise a very difficult child.
I know what it is like to feel like a complete failure and yet have God come along side you and whisper, “I am so proud of you, I love you, and you are right, you can’t do this but I can. Let’s walk this journey together.”
I have learned while raising my kids it was more about what God wanted to teach me, instead of what I needed to teach my kids. My sweet sister in law sent me something that summarized exactly how I want young Mom’s to see me. She said:
“If you were a mom that had it all together with perfect kids, I think you would be the last mom I would want to sit and glean from. Struggling, praying til your head hurts and tears are all run out, remaining humble and knowing that God is working on your child… that’s the mom I want to glean from….allow them to see raw parenting.”
RAW PARENTING. More days than not I can not do mothering well, but God is faithful and it is then as a mother you discover His power in your weakness. It is a comfort knowing that even Jesus’ mother needed the same kind of encouragement all mother’s need.
I still shed buckets of tears over my kids at times. And being a mother is not an easy thing, but God has walked each step with me and I know he will never leave, especially when I mess up.
Oh Lord even in the midst of raising teenagers and pulling my hair out, you have sent people to me that complimented me on my mothering. You know I get in the car and laugh out loud, but you gently whisper “It is because you allow them to see Me.”
Oh Father through my weakness and failures may it only be YOU they see.
Can’t wait to see what you have in-store Lord!
