I wrote the post below almost two months ago and never posted it. I post it now because God has shown me once again he is working in the back ground even when I can not see. I am still in the same situation as seen below, but God has opened up some exciting doors that I did not think were possible. And he softened hearts where I never believed they could be softened. That is not to say the battle does not still exist, but God has used the difficult situation to bring about open doors where I can serve Him. I am excited to see where God leads.

Have you ever felt like you were living in a constant battle? Before vacation my mind was being pulled in all directions. I have two influencing forces in my life, one tells me I can do anything I set my mind on (thx hubby you are my strength), the other states I can do nothing right. It is bad enough I battle these in my thought life, but these are two different people in my life. Of course I adore and love the one who believes in me and want to escape the one who knocks me down.

When you live your life hearing no matter what you do, you can not do anything right, it drains on you. Drains you mentally and then physically. You fight the lie with truth, you try to make the voice of the one who believes in you louder than the other one who is constantly putting you down. You try to fight it head on by talking about it, but nothing changes. After time you arrive at the point where you begin to believe you are not smart, you don’t have anything to offer, what is the use. I even called someone crying and said, “You know all these things said about me, maybe THEY are right and I am WRONG! Maybe I gave myself to much credit.” They were lies from the pit of hell, but I was losing the battle.

This is something new for me because I have always had encouraging parents, friends and family. In fact I had a family member nicely scold me for not “tooting my own horn” recently. So I did what any other person would do in this situation, I looked to change the situation, I tried to make it so that particular influence is not part of my life any more (FYI it was not a family member).

Yet God continually closed the door.

Have you ever been in a miserable situation yet God keeps you where you are? I daily battled with my questions of why. Vacillating between anger and apathy towards God. In my eyes I was not bringing any benefit staying where I was. I had thoughts of where I needed to be, should be.

What is God doing?

Right now I am still in the same situation, God has said to stay for the moment but he is beginning to reveal His purpose. Vacation gave me a period to refocus and I am still trying to move away from the one who knocks me down, but the Lord has brought me to the place where I say…

WHERE EVER LORD.

Even if it means keeping me where I am. Even on my worst days I know you are with me.

How about you have you ever been in a similar situation? Has there been a situation or person that constantly knocked you down, but for some reason God kept you in that person’s life.